Monday, April 28, 2008

What would you spend nine years of your life on?

Someone asked me if I'd checked Chris' blog lately and I thought maybe it was time to. Interesting reading with a lot of emotional zigs and zags, I guess I was ready for it overall.

The one thing that struck me the most was that his parents have finally talked to him and let him know that they still love him in spite of him being gay. Maybe now he'll finally be willing to accept that people really can love him unconditionally. Knowing what that means, I couldn't be happier. Well, I guess I could be if it had been something we'd shared, but that's not the way things turned out.

But if you had the chance to spend a portion of you life, even a large one - and the end result was that the person you loved was able to get the one thing you had always wished for them that would be the biggest thing possible for their long term happiness - then how could you have regrets?

Sure, it could have happened differently - and for a lot of selfish reasons, I wish it had. It would be too easy to be bitter, perhaps that's the hardest struggle I've had these last few weeks. But considering where things went and how they got handled, I guess this is probably the best outcome I could have asked for. So, it's enough to be happy for him and to know that all of them will be better off now - to have a closer, more honest and open relationship finally - one not impeded by closet walls.

Most of the people asking how things are going for me eventually wind up asking some form of "do you regret it?" My answer has been no, but maybe now I have a better reason for that. It wound up being the best thing that could have happened to him - that makes me feel really grateful and gives the past a value beyond just good memories.